Completed

I am amazed. The novel is finally finally finally completed. No cutting out, no additions. How many times I wrote the last part but then it came together. It rounded up and the name Alpa Viram became relevant.

Before beginning the next project, I am relaxing, cleaning up the cobwebs, cooking the vegetables from the garden. 

Sorting the papers I came across a critique written by Rajni Gupta. Is she the same as Rajni Gupt? I wondered. So I read it again. It seems that the writer and the critic are on two parallel tangents. I am telling a story the way I want, it is my story, my characters, my point of view. The critic views it from her own lens.She looks for the new experiments in technique and the architectural details. She finds characters morally questionable.

That got me thinking about my new novel. Unlike the contemporary style of professorial Hindi, my Hindi is simple, expressive and effective. I say whatever I want say in direct unornamental style.

My characters are individual, living in the modern world they have their own definition of morality, where the dictates of heart weigh more than the conventions.

I feel that the readers and critics don.t get it.

Long time ago I was invited for a reading Antarvanshi.it had just come out. After the readingI spoke about my intentions. Upon return Nirmala Jain commented, there is such a divide between what the writer intends and what the critic sees.

I was quiet, what to say.

.

last day of vacation. Going back to Madison, where a cold dark house awaits. i can understand why people move into assisted living, give up a five bedroom house and contain themselves in two room assitated living. Still, for me it is giving up on life, withdraw. but my life is much more dynamic than many others.You are old, as my fiftysomething friend said often to me.It always sounded like an insult.
 My bedroom is enormous, as i wanted and the customcrafted bed is like a ship. Sometimes at the dark of night it seems I am on an an unchartered ship, moving up and down on the waves, not knowing where i am going. They were dreams of uncertainty, unknown future. Once analysed I knew it was the insecure heart. I am alone but not lonely. I have a rich inner life. new characters are always taking shape, changing, their dialog runs into my head, keeps changing, but the beginning and the end is always the same in my books..
People in real life disappoint you, they disappear suddenly and appear only when they need something.
 Some people are kind. On a rainy Diwali night I get a call " I am making masala dosa, would you like to come."
 She lived far away from me, in a part of town not on my GPS. I appreciated her thoughtfulness, picked up a double bottle of margaritas and drove..There were young people, friends of college going daughter. it was nice. Big house, warm kitchen. Laughter of young people.


It was good. On my way home I lost the way, I decided to go to a friend nearby whose house I was familiar with. I saw a row of cars in front of the house. She was having a Diwali party. I turned back, drove around till I found my way back.

ujaale meN akele

The snow came as predicted. vah re America ka weather vibhag. kaha that ki paanch baje shuru hogi aur thhik paanch baje se halki halki fuhaar si shuroo ho gayi.
Aaj subah har taraf safedi, sannata.
is sardi men jab akele cognac peeti hooN to Nirmal ki bahut yaad aati है iNirmल  pehli baar mere ghar isee mausam men aaye the.
' tumhari kahaniyon se hi cognac peene ka shauk shoroo hua" Maine Nirmal se kahaa. Nirmal halke se muskara diye.Baahar andhera aur baraf, andar roshni glass table par do gilaas aur do lekhak, jinki atmeeyata aur mutual admiration ek doosre tak hi seemit thee जैसे की अष्पके घाव को कुरेदने . Koi teesra bhagidar nahin tha. Nirmal shaayad mujhse voh sab kahte the jo unhone kabhi kisi se share nahin kiya hoga.Unhone meri bhi akeli zindagi dekhi thee. 
Chalte vakta Nirmal ne kaha thaa, kisi doosre par aapne ko itna kharch mat karo ki tumahre paas apna kucch na bacche.
Lut jaane ki yaatna, shayad ek lekhak ke liye bahut zaroori hoti hai.Usee se create hui Antarvanshi, aur Nadi.
Ab kewal baahar snow aur sannata. CD player par classical vadyoN ka swar, kabhi Vilayat Khan to kabhi PannaLal Ghosh.

Lekhak ke liye apne ander crawl karna,sabse kat kar ek akelepan meN create karna, bahut zaroori hai. Ajkal, is mausam men yahi kar rahi hooN. Is varsha Bhaarat nahiN gayi, apna antim upanyas poora karna hai. Antim kyoN. Iske baad kuchh aur, kuchh naya? Kavita? HA , HA, HA