last day of vacation. Going back to Madison, where a cold dark house awaits. i can understand why people move into assisted living, give up a five bedroom house and contain themselves in two room assitated living. Still, for me it is giving up on life, withdraw. but my life is much more dynamic than many others.You are old, as my fiftysomething friend said often to me.It always sounded like an insult.
 My bedroom is enormous, as i wanted and the customcrafted bed is like a ship. Sometimes at the dark of night it seems I am on an an unchartered ship, moving up and down on the waves, not knowing where i am going. They were dreams of uncertainty, unknown future. Once analysed I knew it was the insecure heart. I am alone but not lonely. I have a rich inner life. new characters are always taking shape, changing, their dialog runs into my head, keeps changing, but the beginning and the end is always the same in my books..
People in real life disappoint you, they disappear suddenly and appear only when they need something.
 Some people are kind. On a rainy Diwali night I get a call " I am making masala dosa, would you like to come."
 She lived far away from me, in a part of town not on my GPS. I appreciated her thoughtfulness, picked up a double bottle of margaritas and drove..There were young people, friends of college going daughter. it was nice. Big house, warm kitchen. Laughter of young people.


It was good. On my way home I lost the way, I decided to go to a friend nearby whose house I was familiar with. I saw a row of cars in front of the house. She was having a Diwali party. I turned back, drove around till I found my way back.