Completed

I am amazed. The novel is finally finally finally completed. No cutting out, no additions. How many times I wrote the last part but then it came together. It rounded up and the name Alpa Viram became relevant.

Before beginning the next project, I am relaxing, cleaning up the cobwebs, cooking the vegetables from the garden. 

Sorting the papers I came across a critique written by Rajni Gupta. Is she the same as Rajni Gupt? I wondered. So I read it again. It seems that the writer and the critic are on two parallel tangents. I am telling a story the way I want, it is my story, my characters, my point of view. The critic views it from her own lens.She looks for the new experiments in technique and the architectural details. She finds characters morally questionable.

That got me thinking about my new novel. Unlike the contemporary style of professorial Hindi, my Hindi is simple, expressive and effective. I say whatever I want say in direct unornamental style.

My characters are individual, living in the modern world they have their own definition of morality, where the dictates of heart weigh more than the conventions.

I feel that the readers and critics don.t get it.

Long time ago I was invited for a reading Antarvanshi.it had just come out. After the readingI spoke about my intentions. Upon return Nirmala Jain commented, there is such a divide between what the writer intends and what the critic sees.

I was quiet, what to say.

.

last day of vacation. Going back to Madison, where a cold dark house awaits. i can understand why people move into assisted living, give up a five bedroom house and contain themselves in two room assitated living. Still, for me it is giving up on life, withdraw. but my life is much more dynamic than many others.You are old, as my fiftysomething friend said often to me.It always sounded like an insult.
 My bedroom is enormous, as i wanted and the customcrafted bed is like a ship. Sometimes at the dark of night it seems I am on an an unchartered ship, moving up and down on the waves, not knowing where i am going. They were dreams of uncertainty, unknown future. Once analysed I knew it was the insecure heart. I am alone but not lonely. I have a rich inner life. new characters are always taking shape, changing, their dialog runs into my head, keeps changing, but the beginning and the end is always the same in my books..
People in real life disappoint you, they disappear suddenly and appear only when they need something.
 Some people are kind. On a rainy Diwali night I get a call " I am making masala dosa, would you like to come."
 She lived far away from me, in a part of town not on my GPS. I appreciated her thoughtfulness, picked up a double bottle of margaritas and drove..There were young people, friends of college going daughter. it was nice. Big house, warm kitchen. Laughter of young people.


It was good. On my way home I lost the way, I decided to go to a friend nearby whose house I was familiar with. I saw a row of cars in front of the house. She was having a Diwali party. I turned back, drove around till I found my way back.

ujaale meN akele

The snow came as predicted. vah re America ka weather vibhag. kaha that ki paanch baje shuru hogi aur thhik paanch baje se halki halki fuhaar si shuroo ho gayi.
Aaj subah har taraf safedi, sannata.
is sardi men jab akele cognac peeti hooN to Nirmal ki bahut yaad aati है iNirmल  pehli baar mere ghar isee mausam men aaye the.
' tumhari kahaniyon se hi cognac peene ka shauk shoroo hua" Maine Nirmal se kahaa. Nirmal halke se muskara diye.Baahar andhera aur baraf, andar roshni glass table par do gilaas aur do lekhak, jinki atmeeyata aur mutual admiration ek doosre tak hi seemit thee जैसे की अष्पके घाव को कुरेदने . Koi teesra bhagidar nahin tha. Nirmal shaayad mujhse voh sab kahte the jo unhone kabhi kisi se share nahin kiya hoga.Unhone meri bhi akeli zindagi dekhi thee. 
Chalte vakta Nirmal ne kaha thaa, kisi doosre par aapne ko itna kharch mat karo ki tumahre paas apna kucch na bacche.
Lut jaane ki yaatna, shayad ek lekhak ke liye bahut zaroori hoti hai.Usee se create hui Antarvanshi, aur Nadi.
Ab kewal baahar snow aur sannata. CD player par classical vadyoN ka swar, kabhi Vilayat Khan to kabhi PannaLal Ghosh.

Lekhak ke liye apne ander crawl karna,sabse kat kar ek akelepan meN create karna, bahut zaroori hai. Ajkal, is mausam men yahi kar rahi hooN. Is varsha Bhaarat nahiN gayi, apna antim upanyas poora karna hai. Antim kyoN. Iske baad kuchh aur, kuchh naya? Kavita? HA , HA, HA  

a dark , cold day. I think it is going to be the opening line for some months, since winter has really set in.
The fat squirrrel was back on the feeder. A black cat came saunterig by, I  shooed it away. Poor song birds, no wonder they are threatened by extinction
Most people write about where they have been, what they have done. But for me Munich is concentration camps and the furnaces where millions were burnt because they were not white Aryan Nazis. I wanted to go and see but Per refused. he also refused to go and see Hitler's private retreat. He never said NO to anythng i wanted, but he was adamant where his principles were concerned. he didn't hate Germans, we went to germany often, he spoke fluent German but he had suffered as a child during Nazi occupation in Denmark and he hated the marks of suffering that were now tourist spots. He sat on a bench outside Ann Frank's house in Holland and refused to go in. i couldn't fathom is anguish, how could I? I had my own luggage of my Indin journey.
dukh hamen manjata hai

People I've never heard of have thousands of followers and i have three. Ah well, such is life. My family is too busy  playing trivia on ctheir smart phone to read my blogIt is of no interest to them.Those who read object. let bygones be bygones.
The BORO Hotel had a wonderful lobby. Books were arranged all around. I thought colorwise they were for show,but when i looked at the titles they were all famous books and good editions. But as usual, rahul and myself were the only two people who were reading.
I read everything. My head is full of trivial stuff, and when I tell people where to make your car stand so the light changes quickly to green, they laugh.I do and it does. youo can calso trying to talk to trafficlight Khambe Maharaj to turn green quickly. Sometimes it hears sometimes not.
 

what a nice day i had. Checked out of the hotel then Matt took  me to the temple but could not find parking, is liye baahar se haath fold kar liye phir gaye Astoria park. Nice fall colors. Blooms and leaves are stilll on the trees, unlike Wisc. where everything is dark and cold and bare. made parathas and dum aloo. A good feeling to eat this food after a few days of tur furkey. Ab daal chawal khane ka iraada hai. No matter where i go I have to have Indian food after two days.AMsterdam, n cNorway, in Denmark, Belgium wherever. Luckyly in cSpain cthere was an Indian crestaurant three doors down. i was the only Indian eating there.
Tomorrow back to cold and bleak Wisconsin. Seriously thinking of moving to new York.. Missed 420 million lottery.
Such is life.

हॉलीडेज

डे आफ्टर थान्क्स्गिविंग . वेंट फॉर शौपिंग , रोड वास ब्लॉक्ड, वैतेद फॉर hours, तीन मार्गरिटा लीं फहिता खाया, घर के बुद्धू घर आ गए . आज राहुल वापस . हम मिथ्रास के पास रेड वाइन पी रहे हैं , इन्दिआन बज्ज़र जाने का मन है मगर होगा नहीं , चलो मैडिसन सके अकेलेपन से दूर चारों तरफ हंसी ख़ुशी , नशीले लोग पार्टी करते हुए. कहाँ गए वो हमारे दिन ?